Selling Out
Dear Perspective Employer (The Man),
I am the ideal employee. I respect you and will work hard. I am smart and skilled, yet fully prepared to work for a less intelligent manager and subject myself to menial labor. Need someone to do that 2000 page search-and-replace? I'm your man. If you tell me I'm important to the company, I'll believe you--I'll even work harder!
I would welcome the opportunity for you to mock my background and negotiate me down to a pitiful salary that destroys my sense of self-worth. You can reach me at 773-327-1482. Please have several secretaries screen me by asking the same questions multiple times. In fact, you should probably just whore my contact information to as many bloodsucking headhunters as possible. I normally sleep until 9AM, so make sure they call before then.
I look forward to toiling for you.
Sincerely,
Paul Brockmeyer